Good Lord! NO…NO…NO! This can’t be true! Sometimes one is taken completely by disbelief, shock even and thrown into a situation where the only reaction is – What the *#&*!! Your insides are churning and you feel like throwing up. Your mind is racing and you are thinking – I don’t know what to do. What is it that you can do?
This blog, in a way, has been inspired by Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg. With her book Option B, she is on a mission to talk about how to build resilience and find joy again. Here’s my take on what one could do in such a situation.
Did this really happen?
You or your partner lost your job or lost your biggest client account. Your business partner ditches you. Discover your parent has a serious illness. Flight got cancelled. You lost all your baggage. Lost a loved one, suddenly. You realize that your partner has been cheating on you or your parents are getting a divorce. Did anything similar ever happen to you? Hope not but probably it did. Comes out of nowhere and rocks your world. You’re like – SHIT! Yes, shit happens. It happened with me too. Not once, many times.
What do I feel?
The truth is you probably don’t even know what you feel. The ground beneath your feet has given away. It is like there is this heavy grey cloud over chest – weighing you down. You cannot even breathe. There is a lot going on in your mind but at the same time you blank out too.
Initially there is denial – this can’t be true; I am going to fix it. Then there is anger - directed towards boss, company, parent, sibling, God Almighty, airline and most often – yourself or your partner. One feels a lot of anger – this is not fair; this is not done or I have been taken for a ride! How could I be so stupid! You isolate yourself and tend to drown in the negative thoughts. One feels completely and utter helpless. And that is not a good place to be.
How do I deal with this?
- Give yourself the space and the time. Don’t try to rush into fixing stuff. Everyone deals with hardship differently and in their own time. You don’t need to live up to anyone’s expectation.
- Label those emotions and give them a name. Talk about how you feel or write them down if that would help. Reach out for help. You don’t have to figure this one out on your own.
- It is incredibly tough but try and forgive people. They are probably not worth your time and energy. Accept situations for what they are. Sometimes, things were not meant to be. It hurts a lot to let go but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.
- This is perhaps the most important step. Ask yourself – What are the 3 things I am grateful for in my life? Cannot think of anything? That’s fine. Just searching for stuff to be grateful about helps. What we appreciate grows.
- When you feel ready, look for what your options could be. Decide to go for “good enough” instead of “perfection”. Be kind to yourself.
- Take care of your health. Falling sick is not going to help with anything. Go for regular walks or join a yoga class. Learn to meditate.
“No matter what the situation, remind yourself – I have a choice.”
- Deepak Chopra
Are you wondering, if I do everything mentioned above, will I be “fine” again? Will everything return to normal? May be, may be not. With some situations, there is no going back. What it will do though is help you get through the worst. It will likely help you find the courage to simply put one foot in front of the other – until you are ready to run again!
"You are not what happened to you, you are what you chose to become after what happened to you."